You’re in a bar with your friends and all of a sudden you told them that the girl you recently dated is THE ONE. Really? How can you say such bold remarks?
Sure, you’re bursting with the kind of starry-eyed optimism that should preclude a first date. But such bold statement is a recipe for disaster, both for the date itself and for the overall health of your view on love.
At this point, you’ve set yourself up to flop. You’ve already begun projecting the characteristics and qualities that you desire in a mate onto a person you don’t really know.
Now when you are actually on the date, you’re seeking out proof that she can live up to your predetermined ideas. Pretty tough for any actual human being to live up to a fictional vision of fairytale princess don’t you think?
Instead, the goal of a first date is simply to get to know the person. The REAL person, not the highly romanticized vision you’ve established. While you’re out on the date, keeps a constant reality check going on in your mind. As the potentials and physiognomies of this person begin to reveal them, be conscious of how that blends with you.
And remember, whatever you learn on that first date is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s almost impossible to know if they are “the one,” although it’s highly possible to determine if they are NOT. If the things you are learning about that person meld with your own value system, then it’s probably worth continuing to explore the potential with this person. But if it doesn’t, it’s time to go
All of that said, how can you REALLY know if someone is worth spending time with? It all comes down to your instincts. Keep in mind that it’s not always about thinking or believing the exact same way. Prosperous relationships exist to help each individual become stimulated and dared as a result of the couple. If you’re only looking for someone that thinks the same way you do, then you’re not really looking for a meaningful relationship with another human being…you’re simply looking for another human being to validate the relationship you have with yourself.
Keep in mind, however, that a truly healthy relationship with you doesn’t need a “partner” to validate it. The only person that should be validating your self-relationship is the person staring back at you when you look in the mirror.
An affectionate relationship with another person is about progress. As human beings if we’re not growing, we’re dying. Find someone who realizes what a distinct and delightful man you are. Find someone that will care and cherish the things that make you special. Find someone who inspires you to be even better. Most importantly, find someone you can give all of that back to in equal measure.
In a relationship, it can’t be “all about me.” There are two people involved. I KNOW you don’t want to be compared to an unrealistic, highly idealized version of a man, so don’t project that fairytale princess thing onto her, either.